Sunday, 24 January 2016

A song for Julia by Charles Sheehan-Miles

My Review: 4/5

It all starts with a kiss…….

He- I have a broken past and I don’t believe in relationship. I play in a band and I am a high-school drop-out. What sort of guys do you hang out with?

She- I am a final year student at Harvard. I don't hang out with guys. But I guess the times I do, it's guys with ambition. Guys who wear suit. Guys who will end up in the Senate or as a CEO. Umm... guys who my father would approve of. My father and I don't get along, but don't ever mistake that for me not having perfect for him. He's a hero- he's my hero. But I have never quite been able to live up to him, so at some point, I just stopped trying and went my own way. 

He- Must have been fascinating, travelling bunch of different countries?

She- I don't know about all that. It's not a normal life, moving to a new country every few years. Kind of lonely sometimes. You leave behind everyone you know and start over. I don't know if I'll ever get married, but if I do.... not sure if my husband will understand my ambition and not sure it's the right life for kids. 

He- Would you like to have a dinner with me?

She- Just once because I don’t believe in love anymore. I was very young when I fell in love but I still remember what it was like to have my heart torn out, to have my dreams smashed. To have scandal nearly tear my family apart. I cried and cried. I was so scared, but no one would help. And all I could think was- I wanted my mother. Yes, she told me that guy was not right for me. She saw right through him from the beginning. I wanted to find her, and hug her, and make all of this fear and pain go away. I wanted to go back to being her little girl, and having her protect me and make everything better. No matter how much I might have wanted that guy: I couldn't go back there. Not now. Not ever. 

Then he and she both go to their own lives. He never gets over her so decides to write a song for her.

She- I sat back in the chair and sipped my coffee, crossing one arm across my chest. My head was still hurting, and thinking about him made it hurt worse. For the first time in a long time, I found myself having really mixed feelings about a guy. He was fun to be around, but he was confusing as hell. And not exactly welcoming. Was I just lonely? It had been so long since I'd allowed myself to really care about anyone. Sometimes you go looking and don't find anything, and sometimes it slaps you upside the head like a good Irish Catholic mother. 

He- I never wanted a relationship but lately, I'd started to realize that even though I was around people all the time, I just felt so damn alone. 

She- You are not an easy guy to figure out and I am not interested enough to try. It’s just last night you were all, stay the hell away, and in morning you were friendly.

He- Sometimes losing control can be wicked awesome. And sometimes it’s a disaster. Sometimes it can take your whole life and rip it to pieces.

She- I don't know why this bothered me. It's not like we were a thing. It's not like we were anything. But you'd switched moods so quickly, from anger and hostility last night, to open and laughing this morning, and now you were cold. I didn't get it, I didn't like it, and I was starting to not like you.

He- I love you

She- I don’t love you. I don’t even like you. I am a little different and isolated. But also a hero. And even though I start out very isolated, I come out of my shell. Which is something I learnt to do long ago.

He- This is going to sound like a cliché. And it sucks like nothing else in the world. But if I love you….I have to give you what you need. Even if that means letting you go. Yes, truth sucks.

He then sings of his longing, of her refusal, and of his precious hope that if he let her go, if he kissed her goodbye and watched her go, that she’s eventually come home.

She- It almost hurt to watch the awkward painful interchange between us. This was too much. Too much emotions, too much pain, just too much. I needed to get back to my room, get a good book to read, and escape. Get grounded again; get back in control of feelings that were twisted through me like a storm, tearing down leaves and building and leaving me directionless and confused. No matter how much my heart yearned for him, no matter how much my body wanted him, my mind knew that he was a mistake.

He- I don’t want to lose her. No one has ever meant this much to me. Then I have to do the thing she needs. And maybe she’ll come to me. If she doesn't…….well….it wasn't meant to be. But I wasn't going to let her go without telling her exactly how I felt.

She- It reminded me that being dependent on people you love is nothing but a crutch. It reminded me that the inevitable result of love is heartbreak. It reminded me that the other side of those overwhelming emotions was death. And I wasn't willing to go there. I wasn't willing to do that harm to myself ever again. Never again would I watch my own lifeblood pouring out of me into a bathtub because I needed people in my life. It was bitter, like dust, a bare moonscape inside my heart instead of flowers or bunnies or hearts or whatever the hell other people wanted to feel like. And it was mine.

He- I love you, and I want you to be happy, I want you to have the life you deserve. And if that means … if that means I have to stand here and watch you walk away, then I’ll do it. I won’t be happy about it. It’ll break my heart. But … if that’s what you really need, then we’re done. Before you go, you need to know- I’d do anything for you. Even kiss you goodbye and watch you go.

She- Can you put up with me? I am crazy half the time. You know I’ll pull away and get angry when things are tough. I make my own home, wherever that is and home’s where the people I love are. It’s the things that matter to me, and holding on to them and taking care of them. And remember- I will love you, pamper you, care for you and give you everything I can. I will make you feel on cloud nine with my love. I will make you feel like the best man on this planet but the moment I feel avoided, unwanted, ignored, sidelined, I will be gone and I will never feel the same again. I will quietly move on.’

He- I don't want to screw this up. I don't ever want to be the person who hurts you. Because you make me better. You make me feel like I matter. Like my life matters. I feel like, with you, I can do anything in the world. That we can do anything in the world. And we will.

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